As I ran the obstacle course, I put my all into it. My heart raced. The adrenaline had just become enough to drive me to do better than the rest. I climbed the rope swiftly, a little nudge from the instructor made me reach as far as I did. I dropped to the ground with a smirk on my face.
"Model it out, Next!" Captain said.
I know I was being ridiculed as a woman but I didn't care. I felt the thrill. I loved every moment of it. It didn't appear to me as a task. It was a passion.
I woke 1 am just because the excitement felt so real. The air was cold and my breath was heavy. It made me realize how much I'm holding back. That was my sign to go forward and stop being a coward and wondering when is it all gonna fall into place. I gotta reach out and grab it if I really want it. I don't know what made me walk in that yard that day. I just did. And I don't regret it.
Nobody said it has to be a perfect life with perfectly cut out individuals. Nobody said it had to be all glittery fantasies for females and sweat dripping victory for males. All we really do out here is hope and guess.
I've been thinking about enjoying my own company and I wanna get back into the habit of going out alone. Treating myself to the things of this life that are enjoyable without the need of a person being there close to you and holding your hands. But there always comes that time... Where it creeps in.. the loneliness. The desire to have someone to put their arms around you and call you theirs. The warmth of their breath against your cheek.
Maybe my fantasies are totally different from other people's but at least I have some kind of escape.. If I had to sit all day and just experience the real life, I would definitely go insane. I just want someone to take me as I am. The real me. I wanna live and stop existing!
