I feel depressed because it's me alone in this corner. My family is away. I miss them a lot and it feels as though I am fading away. I know this was a huge step. At one point I didn't even wanna take this step. I just wanted to be me in my own space. Now I'm in it and it feels like there are so many control mechanisms in place. People can't just leave you to be you and do what you wanna do. I can't share my feelings with just anyone. That's against the rules. Just let them see the side you want them to see.
Only God can comfort me right now. I'm getting tired of being the good guy all the time. Sometimes I just wanna be bad. Sometimes I just wanna break stuff and not have to explain why I did it. Sounds very explosive, I know. But why do I have to pretend that I'm so calm when I'm one suggestion away from losing it. Any other suggestions? What should I do next with my hair? What should I do next with my cooking? What should I do to my car? These are the things that people seem most interested about. Why can't y'all just chill out and let me be me and feel comfortable. Ever think people got a different way of doing things? Ever think people can have different ways of seeing things?
See it from my perspective and feel how alone you would feel if everyone kept suggesting things to you as if you're nothing but a loser.
