I've tried to push you away, to make excuses, to hide my feelings and just walk away but none of those attempts worked. I'm still here and you're still there. Memories oh memories.
When you lifted me up in the park that night, when we went to the other park and you kissed me near that tree. When we stood under the arch that looked like a wedding venue.... when we froze our butts off at the boardwalk and had to hold each other to make it back to the car.. when we held hands at the mall..
I miss your face.. holding it.. kissing your cheek... wrapping my arms around you.. telling you how much i like you.. just being real and telling you how i feel. Why can't we just keep it the sweet simple way it was before? Just you be you and me be me.. I feel like that lack of proximity between us is tearing me up inside. I made a friend who started to become more than my friend. I knew it was you.. i knew that you weren't who i expected you to be .. and still in my eyes you are beautiful...
Its like filling a bucket with holes with water. The water keeps coming out and nothing can stay in. Sometimes the decisions we make might seem like a re-occurrence.. like its a cycle just waiting to come back and hit you in the face. I learnt that pushing people away isn't something we should do. Rejection doesn't feel good. Imagine if i was placed in that position where all i received was no.
I am not going to act like i don't need anybody. Its been 3 or more days now and still no reply. It should not affect me but it does. My thoughts always run back to you. My memories are tattooed and i can almost hear your laughter again. I made such a fuss over something God can fix with time. But... at the end of the day, i did the right thing. You don't always get what you want.. Sometimes you have to use the knowledge and wisdom of God than to run with emotions. Emotions can lead you to a place of permanency based on your temporary emotion led decisions. If i said no to one person, i don't think i am ready to say yes to another... at least not yet...
