Loving you

I can't believe you stored all of my past stories in your head like ammunition to use against me when it's convenient to you. I can't believe I allowed  myself to be put in the position to feel pain and to be ridiculed. I can't believe you would intentionally hurt me over and over again. 

"It's gonna hurt me to hate you but loving you is worse." - Cardi B. 

I felt that. I felt those lyrics pierce my entire body. I can't stand to be around you anymore because it makes no sense loving someone who doesn't have the slightest bit of respect for you. If you gonna fire, fire all. Don't blindside me and bring stuff up when you're insecure. Let me know what you want from me. Let me know if I'm gonna be made a fool and when. Because that is what is going on continuously. Apologies mean nothing because your mind is set to one idea of love and how a relationship is supposed to work. 

If I can't feel secure and respected then I'm better off alone. I don't want this. Any of it. I don't wanna not have you by my side. But what are you doing for me? Breaking me down to your level? Constantly trying to infiltrate my safe zone? I was there for you. Even when I had all the opportunity to leave, I stayed. Who is gonna do that, huh? Who is gonna have your back? It's all in pieces and to be honest, I don't even know how to put it back together.