All this time i was stuck in my little daydream, thinking that i need to be with someone to truly be happy. Then i tried dancing by myself, singing by myself and being in a relationship with Christ. Then i realized that i can be happy by doing the things i love. I don't need someone to hold my hand right throughout my entire life.
It was only today that i played this game: "Just Dance Now" by myself and i had fun. Was totally burnt out afterwards and had a smile on my face. It was fun and i didn't need another person to play with me to make it fun.
Besides the games and the singing, my recently found friend admitted to me that he would like to be in a relationship with me. I explained my whole concept to him and he understood and he told me he is willing to wait on my timing. But is he for real? Just a few days back he hit on my friend and she is totally head over heels for him. I'm not the kind of person to get involved with somebody who i know held the interest of my friend. No way... It's not that i rather lose a guy over a girlfriend, it's just that i have to upkeep my image as a Christian and follow what the Lord will want for me.
I can never find myself falling for a guy whose mind run on all other things but Jesus. I guess i'm gonna go down that long and narrow path and i'll have a pretty darn good time doing it....
So, whatever happened today was out of sworn secrecy and i still haven't gotten over it. I wish there was some way that i could release this guilt but i can only ask God for forgiveness.
It's not like a dramatic thing, its more of a 'i knew this was going to happen' kinda thing. I won't blame it on being human, ill just learn from the situation.
Secrets are so tricky..If you tell someone you have to worry about them spilling it and if you keep it to yourself, it will bother you often. But this is one secret i won't let get to me. Ill put it to the back of my mind and move on.
Secrets are just a part of growing up as well. It's up to you to decide what you are going to allow be a secret or not.
So I thought somehow my life would take a major turn around and it did. It flew, it crashed and now i'm out of my little bubble and my eyes are open to so many new things.
After being forgotten, lied to and embarassed, i finally got over that person and started something new. It didn't last though because of the differences in views and opinions but that only made me realize that i need to do something different. How can you live a life for the Lord and then have dealings with people who share another view of God?
I just need to be on the same page with someone for once. Because it seems like i take too many chances and it always comes back to bite me in the end. This is probably attempt number 100 but i have no shame in admitting that i am human and its ok to make mistakes. Where you go wrong is continuously repeating those mistakes.. So we learn , we live and we love... But we always wonder where it will lead....
