I know i'm not supposed to be thinking about kissing this guy, but come on... he is attractive, cool, laid back and he got the nerd flick going on. Everything i described there was what i should be staying away from. But... i'm still allowed to have my fantasies once they're not rated R. I really appreciate his friendship and his time.
There is just that moment when no more words are left to say that he send an emoji and it just brightens up my face. That alone is showing interest to talk. That doesn't make him Prince Edward but it makes him somebody in my life right?
Anyways. I think my feelings are starting to re-surface which explains the late night and morning convos and insomnia. I guess i'm contented with the people that are in my life and who are entering it.
I found myself wearing a big white dress.. It was almost like a wedding dress, but could this be my wedding?
I didn't stop to think. I was at the bottom of the stairs to my college building. I ran breathlessly up the multiple flight of stairs, tripping over my dress and feeling anxiety and fear curling into my gut. I had no idea what i was in pursuit of but I was determined to get there.
At the top of the staircase, on the highest floor, I saw my friend's brother sitting at the table so I approached him to say a friendly hello. A voice appeared behind me. A deep masculine voice that made me spin around to be caught by his singled out words. He said, " Why waste your time talking to a little boy when you can be talking to a big man?"
My facial expression changed. I swung around to glimpse at my friend's brother but he looked unmoved. From there, it all faded. It was the first dream I remembered so well. The meaning, unknown, but I believe it's some kind of sign that will appear eventually.....
Just a few days ago, a person from the past returned to me. Not in spirit but in actual flesh. This guy shows so much interest in me but what should i say to him? Am i supposed to run back into his arms and say all is forgiven?
I did forgive him because his apology was so logical and sincere but that does not mean that all is peachy. Honestly, he had a part of me that nobody else could find but he let it slip away so now he has to regain it. Time, effort, love and patience will bring that back but i know how some guys are; determined to a point of tolerance.
What do i want?
Friendship. I believe through friendship, one can achieve love. If i didnt agree to speak or have any relations with this person again, he wouldn't be my friend and he wouldn't get opportunities to impress me.
I've got too many things going on in my life to make room for disappointent, hurt, resentment and heartache. I need to be real with people. I can't give you the attention you deserve. I can only be a friend and hold your hand from a distance. The Lord is my strength and i know someday my emotions will flow back to me at the right time. ..........
