I've seen some things I didn't want to see... Then it all made sense. What if I am just a phase? What if one day you're gonna wake up and say, "I'm over her."
Nothing would hurt more.
Ice runs through my veins because blood is just too warm. The feeling of warmth no longer intrigues me. The feeling of bliss no longer moves me. My heart feels like it's been attacked over and over again until it just can't beat the same way anymore. Here I am speechless, yet so many words left unsaid. So many words pounding my skull. All I can do is listen to sad songs and hope these feelings and thoughts are just paranoia. All I keep telling myself is settle down... don't get worked up over nothing.
Time cannot erase.
In this life, you just can't please everyone. You gotta choose who you gonna please day by day. Or you can do like me and not give a shit.
I was told that I am a bleeping bleep and that I treated a certain individual like a "dog". I had all right to do what I did. If I don't want negative vibes in my house, I can leave a person's clothes outside. If I cannot handle being treated like garbage I can walk away. If I cannot stand repeating myself and not being heard, I can stop talking. Things got way out of hand and I don't think it is about me and him anymore. This just became really personal.
My other friend won't talk to me. I am officially blocked from everything I can get blocked on. But hey, two can play that game and two played that game because I got to block first. It is such a shame that individuals listen to one side of a story and run with it and feel that everything they say is correct and I will always remain the bad person. One day everyone is gonna realize their mistakes and it will be too late. I would have already moved on with my life and actually find happiness in this world of users, abusers and addicts.
Some of the things that were said hurt... I admit it. But I'm not gonna let that drag me below the state I am in already. Working fast food isn't my life long dream but it's better than nothing. At least I can see myself progressing and doing way more than depending on my friends to help me get through life. It ain't about all who can talk you out of situations... It's about who is real and willing to love you through all your messy ways...
He is back. Back into my life... this time not with a blue flower with red thorns but with a fierce desire to have happiness.
I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw him sitting on my couch, having the best conversation ever. I couldn't stop looking at his almost perfect face.. Those rosy lips that I once kissed on multiple occasions. That soft voice... I don't even need to go into further detail because I already know how much there is to admire.
I didn't expect him to be so willing to bond with me because I had abandoned him at one period in time and he hated me for that. Forgiveness is really key to moving on and having a bright future. I have to say I don't expect white horses and chariots but I know what I deserve and I am gonna make sure that my standards are kept.
We had an awesome night. Things took a very interesting turn but I think we are both grown enough to make decisions on the spot and we are comfortable with each other's body. Everything about him is so soft... so delicate as if I touch him deeply he'll tear apart. I still am in disbelief. I don't know what else to say to make this seem less corny but I know happiness when I see it. Positivity is way more attractive on a man than most attributes. I remember all the great times and hope to experience many more...
