New Beginnings

Most of the time when people say they have no regrets that's when they have the most.

I will say i regret some things i did but i already laid down my burdens before the Lord. I have shown Him i am dusting myself off and getting back on track with my life. Even though things went far off how i expected it to go, i am happy now that there is some sort of restoration. 

Things were said tonight that broke the ice, that made the air clear. Now it's just to give it time to observe where things are going. I would never rush into anything again because of the humiliation i experienced in the past. I am going to take my own advice this time. Let things flow into order. I don't have to hide anymore... He knows.. 

Attached

I've learnt, I can't have the best of both worlds. It's one or the other. Sometimes we make decisions because we think its what is best for us. But what if you have everything you need and its just not your heart's desires. 

Love comes in many forms.. But what i've learnt, it takes time. A wise person once told me never to rush anything... just take your time and enjoy every moment.. Little did i know that person was trying to tell me something more than just that. They were teaching me patience. Something i am lacking at the moment. If i had just listened things might have been different. 

I do not want to make myself a total fool by leading on that person when clearly i'm in a commitment. I'm being very indecisive and i can't explain why exactly. All i know, I am not sure of what is going to happen in the future. Promises may be broken, hearts may remain shattered... dreams may become mere fantasies..... relationships may become robotic.. I am not going to doom myself. I am going to just pray and observe every aspect of life. 

Better

It may seem like i'm being heartless... that i should be all emotional because I just got out of a relationship but i feel great. I mean... great guy, great treatment, great love shared but it was not for me. 

People will judge and say I'm just a heartbreaker.... i'm just another girl who is lost and confused and doesn't know what she wants. But really and truly, i do not know what i want. If i had everything under control then i wouldn't be living. I feel as though i'm able to clear my mind and to sort out exactly how i feel and it is what i suspected. The feelings never left.

Not one day passed by i didnt think of him. The memories were beautiful.. Nothing could replace him. Why talk so much about him? Because he left a mark. I was mean for leaving things unfinished. I was wrong for thinking i was spiting him and showing him how a 'real man' makes decisions. I never thought about the part where i have to miss the drives to the park, the adventures, the simple little moments together.. I gave it all up and now i want it all back.. 

I starting all over with a new mindset, a new goal, a new everything. Maybe a new career? Life throws so many opportunities at you.. It's up to you if you wanna let it slip away or hold on and pray for the best to come... 

                                    
                                                   

Where the Heart Leads

How do you take everything you had before and just throw it out the window and start new? How do you pretend like those memories aren't there.. like you never longed for such an amazing person.... 

Sometimes a person will walk straight into your life and give you all you ever wanted but if that person isn't who you want it will just fall to dust. How do you go by everyday thinking about that one person you really want and all you can do is say hello? Why does life happen in such a sequence you end up a horrible person?

When water hits iron after a while it rusts.. That's like you take my heart and add all these bottled up emotions and all this hurt and pain and then my heart just aches. Imagine how childish immature ways can lead to a lifetime of longing and sadness. Sometimes you're not happy, you're pleased. I don't wanna settle for second best. 

All I can do is pray. God knows best. With faith things are going to turn around. I just can't help but feel someone is going to get hurt.