These Moments

I waited and prayed, repeated and trusted in the Lord and this is where i am. The state of bliss. God, Bravery and a Great Relationship. 

I realized that i gave up too fast. I held on this roller coaster although i didn't know where it would take me. I believed and trusted that God is working in my life and i found a great friend and love in the midst. I still believe that i have to use my discernment when making decisions in this road, but that doesn't mean i have to walk on eggshells. I'm gonna be happy because i choose it.

Negative vibes are all about. People keep digging up the past and holding back the future from happening but i'm gonna keep my peace and promise to myself and to my sweetheart. Who knows what else can happen in this wonderful experience? 

Endure: Standing Strong

Somehow, I always end up getting my feelings hurt while trying to help someone... but this time, i feel i just don't care. I have to do what the Lord wants me to do. 

How can a person be so heartless to judge someone based on their past life? I may look past the mistakes and the problems that was done and faced a long time ago but some people lack the knowledge and confidence of the future and what God can do.. I forgive all those who have said hurtful things to me to the point where all i can do is cry. I have one thing to say though... I will be holding my friend's hand when he changes his life for Christ for good. I am confident that it will happen. 

I don't expect a relationship out of this friendship. I just like being there for you because you have been hurting so long and so much and have never gotten the kind of encouragement that a Christian can give you. While the world loses their minds, i will keep mine and stand with you. I'm not giving up because fate has brought me to you... to inspire and motivate you to become the great you can be in the Lord. 

Fear is what held me back all these years and that is the reason i keep distancing myself every time i get close to someone who cares for me. I think this just the beginning. I am standing firm in my faith and with the authority and belief in my God. 

The Past Shadows the Future

How did we go from strangers to such close friends? I don't think I would have given into your words if you didn't tell me your entire past. But it seems like its too much for others to bear. I can't hold your past against you. I know you want the support and encouragement to change but i realized that i may not be able to do that for you. I would be a hypocrite if i gave up on you... I'm just praying for the courage and bravery. 

I've always ran from the things that frightened me but i don't wanna run again. This situation isn't going to get better. It's going to only get worse. How do i break this news to you when i cant even accept this myself. They're warning me to stay away but it just makes it harder. If i turn my back on you then i would be a quitter and it would make me lack faith whenever i face difficult situations. What is a good guy? 

You've learnt, you've laid low, you've shown interest in God. I can't imagine what it would be like to lose a soul for the Kingdom of God. I wouldn't be helpful... i would just be another brick in the wall. How do i turn this around? Show people that the past doesn't define a person. Why can i let go of the past so easily but others make it a big deal. I'm sure there have been drug dealers, prisoners and cocaine addicts who have found the Lord and changed their life and minister to people every day. Christians may possess all the qualities of a good man but lack all of a good companion. Should i let go?

                     

...And you love the game

There is this intern in the hospital where i train. He is so out there.. Flirtatious, tall, handsome.. He draws the nurses and students attention with his warm personality and dazzling smile. He asked for my number on the first day of the ward. I gave him. I thought it would be nice to make a friend.. 

So, turns out he tries stuff with most people and i just happened to be an easy target because of my curiousity. Well, i'll just say that he just entered a game board. I like the players and he likes the game.. I could have a good long laugh about this but i'll control it for now. He is too much fun to mess with. He thinks i'm head over heels for him but there is no lovebug here. Sometimes i wonder if he is serious or just plain silly.

His questions are obvious... he wants a chic by his side but doesn't bring all the questions at once. He observes and hints and even tries to teach you things.. His behavior is sneaky. His smile hides a lot..His mind is uneasy.. 

My colleagues and i decided we are going to milk this situation. Ask him questions, set up scenarios and even flirt back for the fun of it. He knows exactly what he is doing up at 1 am.. I may have an idea too but i wont tell. I'll have to try my best though not to end up in this web of fantasies in the pursuit to interrogate this dude.... 

50 Shades - The Male Nurse..Fantasy #2

His presence was noted at the point of entering the ward. I put my bag in the staff room and got myself ready for work. After the handing over on the female side of the surgical ward, we went to the male side. He grabbed a pile of folders and dragged the side desk closer to us. I listened to everything he said and took the words as they came out of his mouth.

He finished the hand over and I walked to the last cubicle. "Can you help me with a bed bath?" he asked.
I said, "Sure."
His smile indicated that he was pleased with my response so we did the bed bath together. It was nice... timid... quick. After that, I followed him to see if i could learn some things from him. I saw a foot dressing, which i assisted in. He disappeared after that. At the time of vitals, I sat by the desk next to him charting information. Somehow, the topic reached from which year i was in to 50 shades of grey. He laughed at my little comments heartily.

He gave a patient a placebo, which made me laugh and feel amused. It was the first time i saw that being given on the ward. While we spoke his eyes were fixed on me. I could feel it. I tried not to look at him to look like a lioness with meat in front of her. He called me to learn about meds. It was he and I alone until my rowdy colleague joined us. She shows her true colors when her best friend isn't around. She made it very clear to a doctor that i am not her friend. I am just an associate. I really had no problem with that considering how lunatic she can behave. But being real, she is not a nice person. She is brutally insultive and over confident that she can do everything. While we we learning how to mix and pull up meds, i felt intimidated because she was right up in my face trying to take the position of the male nurse.

After that, brain studied and processed this new side i'm seeing of my colleague. I quizzed myself for a logical explaination but i just couldn't find any. She was just a bitch. I don't know if it surfaced, but while we were dispensing the meds to the patients, he asked me if i was ok silently. I nodded, said i was fine but he didn't take that for an answer. He asked me if the girl was my friend i said no. Just a colleague because that is what she said. He told me its sad but i disagreed. I showed him the tough shell that was built around my emotions. 

It's like he read every action, every emotion, like he looked into me and saw that i was not ok. He showed too much concern than he should be. I just kept it together for the sake of my dignity. His voice is warm. I know now i can't let things bother me while i'm around him. He'll definitely see or detect it. His shift ended at 1 pm and mine at 3 pm. I told him i run away from the ward at times and i did. He signalled to me that it was time to go and that he wanted me to come along. I walked downstairs with him. He offered me a ride which i accepted once it was ok with him.

On the way home, we talked, laughed, recollected. I knew i was going to see him again. I said goodbye and left his vehicle. The smile was painted on my face til i was halfway home. It all seems like a fantasy to me but the truth is... It was real.

Dare to Date

A guy who usually comes in the store who became my friend asked me to go for ice-cream. I don't know how to feel considering I don't experience this thing people call feelings.. I haven't given a definite answer as yet but i'm just avoiding the conversation. If he happens to ask me if i'm going, i'll just say yes and take a chance.

I feel like i'm getting attached to someone though... not the guy who asked me out. I wanna shake these feelings badly but all i can do is try to push it out of my mind. It's like this huge elephant in the room that i'm trying to hide with a sheet of paper. I get flushed when his name is brought up, i ignore everyone else when he is talking to me, i give him little gifts because he is going through a tough time...I don't know what this is supposed to be.

At some point i'll have to fall in love but i don't know if i'm being dilusional. I'll just have to take my time, take a few steps and see where things go. So yes, i may go on this "date" but i believe that this person will be running through my mind a lot like he already does. I really hope this silly crush goes away....

Lunch Date - Fantasy #1

He walked up behind me as I was packing the shelf and whispered without drawing attention. "Come with me," he said. I followed. I trusted him.

He opened the door to the stairway and shut it when I walked in. His voice was soft... If he talked louder it would echo against the walls and the supervisor would hear us.
"I've thought about something," his lips were delicate in forming every word.
"What is it?", I was just about to let my mind stray and take control.
"I have a friend... She is really nice. I think I like her."
"A  potential wife?", I knew he understood what I was talking about.
"Well, it's more complicated than that."

At this point in time, I didn't know what to think. He held my hand and invited me for lunch at his place the next day.

After anticipating what to wear, I put on a plain black t-shirt with a skinny jeans and went to his place. He answered the door with a smile on his face, giggling at the message I sent him when I was outside. He invited me in and told me to sit on the sofa. I sat and my eyes followed where he went. He pulled a dish out of the oven and placed it on the counter. He cut the pie and put two pieces on two plates and walked towards me.

"I hope you enjoy it. I made it from scratch - Jamaican style pie," his eyes glistened with the mild indoor light that hung above his head.
I tasted it. It was delicious. He really knew how to cook and wasn't just bragging about his homestyle dishes. I applauded him and his face lit up. After eating I demanded to help with the dishes, which I did. We then sat on the sofa together.

I asked him about the girl he spoke of the day before but he didn't say much. He just told me that in time to come i'll find out who it is. I agreed. I looked at him and turned away and he came closer to me. Our eyes met and he said, "It's you. I dreamt you. I can't stop dreaming you. Ever since I met you... I am who I am and i'm not going to change. But you make me want to."
I was surprised. "Me? But wh-".
It was all I got to say because he reached for my face and kissed me. I felt a bolt of electricity run through my entire body. I breathed heavily. His eyes never left my face. I could tell there and then that everything he said, he meant it.

Everything else went back to normal the next day at work. I thought about him even more and the rest was left undecided..............