He kissed me in the parking lot and asked me if I knew what a kiss on the lips meant. I didn't want to answer because i did not want to show that emotion to that extent. But I told him over text.
He makes loving him so easy. I don't need to do a lot to please him and he understands me so well. Everyday is a new thing with us. The connection is like no other. I'm shy because i want to do everything right that will make you happy. I can't stand the thought of messing things up between us. You already assured me that you're not giving up on me and I did the same. So it looks like we're stuck with each other..........
How can you hurt someone without even knowing? Am i that lost in my fantasy world? Rumors have been spreading around work and I have been denying it but now you tell me that the rumors are starting to become reality. I feel like a fool. I don't wanna lead you on and then sink your ship. You're Superman and i'm kryptonite. I've tried staying far away to prevent even the slightest feeling of hurt because i know your heart can't take it but i allowed myself to become attached to you. And you did the same... and now i realize that it was a mistake. I should have never let you in because now its hurting you. My heart isn't ready... I just need you to see that. I don't want to let you go but i won't be your kryptonite anymore.
With our past experiences, we can't help but guard our hearts. Funny thing about it, we act like we already trust each other with our hearts... and that's a great thing. You know what you have to do for yourself and you improve. I love to see you take care of yourself for once instead of making other people your top priority and leaving yourself out. Your walls are still up but i'm helping you take them down one brick at a time. Time will heal and as the song goes , "We're not broken just bent and we can learn to love again." A true quote sung by a total maniac. The Lord has plans for us, we just have to take this thing that we have step by step. I'm noticing a change in you... And i like it. I just hope all goes well because i don't want that wall to go up and stay.
As the days go by I feel like I'm frozen solid. My feet cannot move because your grip is tight. You don't want me to forget you and I feel the same. How do I know that? Because i feel like we're communicating right now without even speaking. I wish i could hear from you now. Just one phone call.
Valentines day is tomorrow and every girl is wishing for either a boyfriend, love or a box of chocolates and roses. All i want is to see you, hold you in my arms and know that you're back from your trip. My heart is always thinking about you, no matter how much i concentrate on other things. The fact that you're not near makes me feel insane. I cannot move on .. I'd rather wait. Because you're worth it....
You said you was leaving and from the minute you spoke of it, I wanted to cry. I've only gotten to know you a bit and I wanna know more about you. It's so hard to think of you being away from me. You said you may not come back from the other country and I really hope and pray that you do. I understand that you need time and space to do something for yourself and your family so I can't be selfish. As I write this now, you're probably boarding your flight.. All I wish for, is for you to show up at my gate at this very minute but I know that won't happen.
How can you just let people walk away from you when they have impacted your life greatly? No matter how far you are I'll be waiting for you. Even if you decide you don't wanna return i'll still keep some hope because I know all things are possible through Christ. You said you're a wanderer, so now its time for you to spread your wings and fly. I hope you find everything you're searching for. I got you.
Your emotions may seem uncontrollable to you but you can control. You just have to dig deep. I know it's hard for you to let someone into your life again and I got the hint you threw out there for me today. You're afraid of getting attached to me... but you already are. Your heart is afraid to even pronounce the word love. I'm not asking for your love, I'm asking for permission to be there for you. You won't let me help you because you keep telling me you're fine when you're tearing up inside. Don't think I cannot see through the wall you have up. You can't run forever.
Pictures are the unwritten diaries that we keep and it holds a lot of memories. In my last relationship, pictures was more important than actual life events that should be remembered and cherished. Instead of living in the moment I used to want to just capture it, thinking that when I view them it would cause some kind of fulfilment. I've learnt that pictures can raise other people's expectations and when it's all over, it all fades away like ashes and all are deleted, hoping that the memories disappear as well. From now on, I do not want any pictures with me and my current friend (crush). I just want everything to be real and pure. When we laugh, we should see the grins on our own faces but the grins of each other. When we kiss it shouldn't be a still, it should be something that can be played on and on and can never be erased from some kind of memory device. My friend showed me a lot about breathing the fresh air instead of wasting time on the internet and he made a lot of sense. I spent most of my time online because that is where my relationship was... Because of the pictures that I posted with me and that person from the past.
Now that I can resist and I have come back to reality, I know that I can have the best relationship in the future without technology being the centre of it. Be careful... Pictures can make a relationship less enjoyable. Just grasp what you have now before it's gone so fast that you can't even take a snapshot.
