It's nothing like chase me... It's nothing like if you want me come get me... It's more like, reach out and take the opportunity that God has left wide open for you. I don't think I wanna keep searching for something that is right in front of me. When you have something good don't let it go.
The best parts to life is when you can sit back and say: "I know he has my heart already," without any formality. I have never been happier by not even giving up anything. Same page, same story, different books. It doesn't take a lot of words to say this is it. One last guy..
Sometimes the silence allows me to hear my own breaths. Sometimes the space allows me to travel without moving. Its weird how people show you affection. One minute they're all for you and before you know it, you're blocked and deleted from Facebook.
It's crazy how people switch in minutes.. seconds... Have I been that way all the time? Locking people off and shutting people out? It's like looking into a mirror. This guy has no idea how much I see me in him. But get blocked once, that's something you can work on, but get blocked a second time? That's just a joy ride in an amusement park of shame.
No matter how rocky my relationship was with some of my male friends I will never turn my back on them. For instance my cop friend... If anyone touches him to hurt him in any kind of way I will be on them like ants on sugar cubes. I care for him deeply... not so much romantically but more as a person that was once close to me.
I'm not ungrateful. I give honor where honor is due. Some people are better off by themselves and some people thrive under lots of attention and care. The funny part about it is, I've been here before.. I've walked this road. I was the one throwing tantrums and acting like a spoiled brat. Now I'm receiving this kind of behavior. I guess it's my wake up call. Be nicer to people who don't even deserve it. Open your eyes girl...
Why can't you just leave me alone? You're always there..If not in my head, in front of me. I feel as though you never left. I hate to admit it but I miss you. You were this big part of me and now you're nothing. I just have to guess.
Sometimes I just wanna scream! Why did I mess up so bad? How does someone hang onto you for so long? I was supposed to be savage this year. I was supposed to leave everything we had in 2016. And you're here now and it's like a huge pill I can't swallow. I just have to let go and let God take control of this whole situation. The one that I really want I can't be with because of our differences. It's too drastic to accept. Confirmation was made. The fact of the matter was accepted.
So here I am. Willing to go down the road again of taking steps on my own.
Ever had your heart ripped out with a short story? Ever feel as though you went back in time and watched the story actually take place? Maybe it's my anxiety but I know for sure that this was not appropriate. You can tell your guy friend that or even a friend who is a girl. How would you feel if I started telling you a story about some other guy and how we used to be and the stuff we used to do. Makes me feel you want that person?
Somehow, everyone always show me eventually why I chose to go down the road I'm on. What else is there to hold on to? Guys always find the dumbest things to say at the worst times. I don't even know anymore. You can give your all and still be let down and by what? One story.
So I know him for a while now. It's been years. I should be willing to fall into his arms right away without questioning it but words are very important. That's why you must choose it wisely.
"Family is very important to me, but I'll make time for you". What does that tell you? You're going to give up a chance of love to please your family? Everyone else is basically building a future of their own. Everyone in your family is getting married and having babies. This is the same reason people go off on a murdering spree and kill people for messing with their feelings and emotions. Good thing I'm one of the good ones.
I don't think I'm mental. I think I'm logical. Time is something you cannot get back ever. If you want to waste your own time partying, being everywhere with everyone then go right ahead. I'm going to be sipping my glass of wine at the top of the staircase waiting for you to say something stupid again. #TEAMSAVAGE
Some people think the world revolves around them. And then there are the ones who feel like if society owes them pity and praise. Hello? Wake up from that fantasy life because Shrek just walked in.
So I had this genius idea to come up with a way to combat loser guys who think that women are just chew toys. I call it "TEAM SAVAGE". Rules are: anything goes. Once it's legal, morally accepted by a few women and approved by the founder ---> ME, then it's put into action. So without further ado, here are the first few steps.
A guy asked me to hang out with him until it was time to go to church to break in the new year but you know what? I don't like people to put me on time frames. Sorry, that's so 2016. Excuse was poor but the guy actually bought it. "I have to water my plants... My kitten needs me". Haha.. If I could had framed that moment I would.
The other one I called for help for a serious situation and he treated me like I was just a helpless citizen as everyone else. I think certain professions desensitize people into thinking that friendships are secretly plotting to destroy their lives forever. Well I know exactly how to handle those sort of people. You're gonna get the blue tick and nothing more. Since i'm just an accessory to your life and nothing more.
My new year resolution.. I have none. Life is unpredictable. One minute you're in school and the next you're riding a police jeep to the police station for beating a guy senseless for mistreating a woman. Not saying this actually happened or will actually happen but I have to remain open to all possibilities. When I realized the game that was being played, I found out ways to play it myself. Once you have a game controller you can alter the configurations to suit your comfort. I do not do these things for satisfaction. I do it for justice.
I don't know what's more offensive, being called fat or being told I shop in a "dollar store for makeup". Geesh, these dudes have no chill whatsoever. This is the point of my life where I wish that I could hang out with potatoes and it will be more fun.
I kinda screwed things up years ago with my first love. He poured his heart out to me and all I gave him was nothing. Maybe it's a wake up call. Stop allowing people to pour their hearts out to me and give them nothing but tears and heartache in return. Maybe I should stay from everyone.
For the new year I wanna start doing new things. Being savage is one of them. I give dumb guys too many chances and ignore the good genuine ones. Next, I wanna start capitalizing my 'I' letters. I'm always lazy to hit the caps lock and leave it common. That stops with this blog. There isn't much to do now that I'm on the single train. Sure, guy friends will hit me up for a hangout session or two but what else is there? No real dates, no real crushes.
This guy that recently admitted he wants another chance with me after three horrible 'dates' isn't even showing that. Maybe I should go off the grid for a few days...or weeks... or months. Too dramatic? I don't think so. I think I need a new approach because i'm being too nice. #TEAMSAVAGE
